love, as it is… pt. 2
maybe love was never meant to be measured at all.
wow, it’s been 7.5 months since my last blog… time flies when you’re having fun. although I haven’t formally released a new blog on my RS platform, I’ve still been consistently writing, journaling, and finding ways to release these thoughts of mine. lots of reflection, releasing, healing, and simply… living. lately, I’ve felt such an inclination to write for various reasons, some I may dive deeper into throughout the year in this space. there has been so much to write about from the experiences I’ve had and the transformations I’ve endured in this year alone. and of course, a recurring theme and muse of my writing is love. whenever I find myself in deep thought or have too many things on my mind, I open my Notes app and let it all out. there’s something about the clarity that comes from pouring the contents of your mind onto a page. that’s also why I created Mind Full to Mindful, a guided reflection and mindfulness journal... but that’s another blog for another day. :)
if you’ve read my past blogs from 2025, then you may have gathered that I’ve endured many major life changes over the past couple of years, primarily involving various relationships in my life. I began this series, love, as it is... pt. 1, with the intention of adding to it whenever new thoughts or revelations about love, in its many forms, found me. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a self-proclaimed lover girl, which still stands true, but more recently, and as I grow older, I’m realizing my love for love extends far beyond the romantic sense. I’m a lover of the way the sun rises, the moon glows, and when my matcha latte comes out in just the right shade of green with the perfect delicate sweetness. love is within me. love is what I strive to embody.
currently, I’m sitting here after putting my children to bed, and I came across a TikTok. a woman expressed that those in long-term relationships or marriages, say 20, 30, or even 40+ years, have usually gone through everything under the sun. they’ve faced experiences they never imagined they’d have to endure, ones that ultimately required forgiveness to move through. this is a concept I’ve spent time thinking about, but one I’ve come to view through a different lens because of my own life experiences. usually, when you hear that a couple has been together or married for decades, your first thought is one of amazement. you think about how deeply in love they must be to continue choosing each other through so many ups and downs. I do believe in long-lasting romantic love. these are simply thoughts, revelations, and questions I’ve been sitting with lately.
going back to the TikTok I watched... before, when hearing about the longevity of a relationship or marriage, my first thought would always be, "wow, that is incredibly amazing to be with someone that long." and although that feeling remains true, it’s now accompanied by another thought: "wow... I can only imagine everything you’ve endured together throughout the years." that sentiment isn’t necessarily a negative one. rather, it has me reflecting on something else. any relationship, especially long-term ones, particularly those rooted in deep commitment, such as marriage, requires an incredible amount of forgiveness and acceptance. and that brings me to a more personal question: would I truly want to spend the rest of my life with another person?
I say this not as a strike against longevity, loyalty, or love. I simply find myself wondering... is it all really love? when I think of love, I think of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. the longevity of a relationship can absolutely encompass all of those beautiful characteristics of love, but I believe it asks even more of us than that. it’s easy to think about the beauty of long-term love when we focus only on those qualities, but what about the not-so-pretty aspects? that’s a very deep commitment, and a serious one.
I look at who I was a year ago, two years ago, even five years ago, and I’ve changed so much. I’ve gone through tremendous transformation and become an entirely new person. I hope to always evolve throughout this life, and that requires becoming different versions of myself... almost different people. the ideologies and beliefs that meant so much to me five years ago feel completely different to me today. some things that mattered to me last year don’t feel nearly as significant now. I’m more open-minded, more inquisitive, and more curious about viewpoints that differ from my own. I love having deep conversations with people who see the world differently than I do, expanding my own understanding and allowing new perspectives to shape my own. I can’t say I’ve always been this dynamic in my thinking, but I believe that’s a result of the personal experiences I’ve endured and alchemized into lessons and wisdom. what happens when you receive new information about life, or another person, and decide to change your mind? and more importantly... why be forsaken for simply changing our minds and evolving? is the hope for a long-lasting relationship realistic?
unselfishly speaking, why would I expect someone to accept versions of me they never signed up for? and vice versa. sometimes I think our longing for everlasting relationships can keep us from becoming the most evolved versions of ourselves. love requires sacrifice, compromise, and consideration. those are beautiful things that can absolutely be catalysts for growth... but at the expense of my own becoming? I truly believe this type of love exists. I believe the kind of love I desire is real because I know it already lives within me. but I still find myself asking... at what cost? what if, seven years down the line, we’ve truly grown apart and want different things? what if the love we shared simply fulfilled its purpose? why is that deemed a bad thing or a failure?
as humans, we become so focused on doing everything we can to make a relationship or connection last that we forget to simply experience the love that existed during that particular season. whether someone is in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, why not simply enjoy it for what it is... and accept it when it’s complete? that's one of the most underrated, yet most important, aspects of the human experience – to experience. each moment and interaction shapes who we are, how we see the world, and how we contribute to this thing we call life. what a gift it is to experience life in all its complexity, knowing that not every experience is meant to be joyful, yet each one has something to teach us. isn’t the experience itself what it’s all about?
over the past year, there have been individuals I’ve spent time with who have unknowingly taught me so much about myself and where I am in my own healing journey. some have unknowingly held up a mirror to me, enlightening me in ways I never could have imagined. although we may not be as close in this current season, I'm grateful for those people and those experiences because they continue to shape and mold me into who I am and who I’m becoming. when I was in a serious union, or marriage, I certainly took it seriously and was in it for the long haul. but being on the other side of it now, I can't help but wonder if I would've become the version of myself I'm still growing into had I remained in it. this isn’t a criticism of the marriage I was in — life is life, and it simply didn’t work out. but I mention it because two people realized we were better off apart romantically, yet still maintain a healthy, respectful coparenting relationship. so why should that be viewed as a societal failure? in my eyes, it’s a win because we took control of our lives, despite how it may appear from the outside, and are both better off because of it.
I’m grateful that I don’t see love whose season has ended as something negative, because I don’t believe love is ever wasted. rather, it opens a broader conversation about the societal pressures and stigmas that measure the success of a relationship by its longevity rather than by the substance, quality, and ultimately, the experience itself.
I guess you could say I’d rather have loved and lost than have never loved at all.
just thoughts...
until next time. <3
slowly and reverently,
Mar B.🪷
